06 Jun NOW…
I took an entire work week off from social media not because I wanted to, but because I had to. My mental & emotional health called for it. The idea was to clear out some of the noise & attempt to regulate my emotions to a manageable level.
Let me be clear, I ADORE being a Black Woman. I AM my ancestors. I also understand that being Black comes with a legacy & a responsibility when living in this country. One thing I know to be true is that no matter what happens to us, we are expected to be rational & level & calm. We are expected to get through…& for generations, we have.
We are not superhuman, we just simply & oftentimes unknowingly use the tools passed down to us to “get through.”But as my good Sis Kehinde said, “I want plain joy & not joy in spite of circumstances.”
We deserve to be able to live a fully FREE life & not one “in spite of circumstances” that are historically & systematically in place & built on foundations of racism. None of this is new to us. So forgive us if we seem indifferent to your “surprise” & “emotion” now. Because what that tells me is that NOW you believe us. Now…
As if our parents and grandparents and great grandparents haven’t been marching & fighting & speaking & creating art about these EXACT same things. Now you believe us…
National attention to conversations that we have been born into is a tricky matter. So for me, taking a moment & gathering myself was important. It was a matter of managing my anger & frustration & remembering who I am & more importantly who u want to be in this moment.
I’ve grown up a major minority in every neighborhood and school I’ve ever attended: every professional and work space. I feel like I’ve been having these conversations with white people my ENTIRE life. And they’ve been “shocked” every single time. I can only imagine how my parents feel. I have found myself torn between being exhausted & feeling like it’s just my generation’s “turn.” And instinctively, we just kinda know what we have to do…the baton just gets passed to us & we take it because that is what our DNA is programmed to do. I envision the Ancestors holding it, painfully passing it on to us with the same frustrated face we have picking it up. Like,
“yea, we hoped this bullshit would’ve been done by now too.”